Priorities - the reasons why I dance

I‘ve written about the women's right to make choices, about the proper way to show someone that you don‘t want to dance, about the reasons why I might not want to dance... A reader could get the impression, that I try to avoid dancing whenever I can. 

But that‘s not correct: Those who meet me when I go out for fun or when I am working in an environment that inspires me to dance (and I am not too tired from class) know better. Last April at YSM I went totally crazy! On one of the days, I danced through a whole afternoon Milonga and the evening Milonga without missing more than only very few Tandas. Ok, so this was a tad extreme. Usually, I am a calmer... But you get the point: I like dancing and will do so, when the time is right.

But when is it? And why? How do I chose my partners and what are my priorities? Here they are in an decreasing order of importance:

1. The embrace:

I am looking for a deep connection with my partner in a nice and close embrace. It is top priority. If you are a beginner who will only walk a little, but you take me into your arms with tenderness and dedication - you‘ve got a more than fair chance to become one of my favourite dancers. 

Some additional thoughts on the embrace:

How can I guess in advance, if you‘ve got a nice embrace? There are some indicators:

• Other women love to dance with you and refer to your embrace. (Yes, women talk about men.)
• I see them smile and close their eyes when they dance with you. (Yes, I‘ll watch you dancing, before I accept an invitation.)
• I have danced with you in class and noticed your embrace. (Yes, It‘s an unfair advantage that I have to other women.)
• I will see you using dissociation to lead and not your arms and hands. (Yes, having technical understanding of communication helps in determining the quality of embrace in advance.)

So, based on my perception, I might want to dance with you. If my guess was right - great! We‘ll dance a lot more in the future. 

But what if not? Well, if you are an experienced dancer, very set in your ways and my presumption was incorrect, I will finish the Tanda and that‘s it. If it does not feel so super, but you are still willing to develop, I might take another chance after a time or after some classes, because:

The quality of the embrace is a function of a proper technique. If you put your feet to a wrong positions you might bring me out of axis and the embrace looses it‘s intensity or relaxation, if you have to use your arms to lead a pivots, we‘ll start pushing with the arms... So: better stick to what you can dance easily and avoid too complex stuff. You don‘t have to impress me. Take me in your arms, do some shifts of weight, a pause, walk some steps... It is quite easy to make me happy.

2. The music:

The music is what makes me want to move. If I love an orchestra (Di Sarli comes into my mind) or a certain Tango, I will want to dance to it. I might even get very, very upset if there is no-one with whom I can move to that tune.

I listen to Tango music a lot and very consciously. And even if I have analysed a Tango in a very intellectual way, it is still it‘s emotional impact that inspires me to dance. Some Tangos are so beautiful, they make me want to cry. I might even cry in your arms when we dance to „Bajo el cono azul“ of OTV or some other favourite of mine. (It‘s not always Di Sarli.)

So, dear DJ‘s: Play nice music and there‘s a very fair chance that I will dance a lot.

Some additional thoughts on the music:

Because of my strong musical priorities and my work as a teacher and DJ, I have a very good idea how I want to dance to which music. I know many women don‘t care so much and are happy with interpreting the music through decorations. I want to express the music with all my body in unison with the partner. Sure, I like being surprised by him, but I will have some general expectations and you might or might not be my choice for this particular music.

For example: To slow Di Sarlis of the 50‘s, I will want to move calmly, elegantly but with a deep focus on being near to the partner. Very strong feelings can develop to this kind of dramatic music and I won‘t dance it with someone who‘s entire concentration is on rhythmic variation.

If I listen to a Canaro with Famá or a Tango by Biagi my focus will be more on the playful and rhythmical interpretation of the music. If there are e.g. syncopations, I want to dance them! Sure, the embrace has to be nice in any case, but less intense and my focus will be more on the music. 

You get the idea? It‘s not about dancing right or wrong, it‘s about how both partners listen to the music, how they filter the multiple information and if this matches.

The consequence being: you might be my favourite Di Sarli dancer, but I won‘t dance a Milonga with you. You inspire me to dance Vals, but I won‘t dance to Pugliese with you. I don‘t want to belittle you abilities as a dancer or even your musicality, but we might just not have the same perception of every Tango. 

The consequence being: If I don‘t react to your Cabeceo to D‘Arienzo, try again with another style of music and you might be surprised how eagerly I accept your invitation.

3. The exchange:

Some men are more open to an active participation of the women than others. They do not only wait for her accepting their suggestion - the minimum requirement for good dancer - they even like the idea of the woman communicating more directly. I am not talking about decorations, but about giving the man a subtle signal that indicates what you want to do. Call it back-leading, I call it interaction and it will always be rooted in my desire to interpret the music in a certain way. I won‘t do it a lot and certainly not with a beginner or someone who‘s not open for such a conversation - but it can be great fun!

4. The elegance:

When I am in a certain mood, I like the idea of moving elegantly. Some men allow for the woman to move with grace and elegance more than others and sometimes it is a question of style or music. Pausing more, taking a longer stride, letting some time for a decoration.... I usually don‘t do embellishments because I focus much more on the embrace and the shared interpretation of the music - on what‘s happening on the inside. Elegance is about how you are perceived from the outside. Usually I just assume that a natural elegance derives from a proper technique and am happy with the outcome. But sometimes, I am more vain. 

5. The challenge:

Sometimes I dance with a guy, because I am up for a challenge. (Mark you, he still has to be capable of dancing social Tango in close embrace. I will not respond to the invites of Fantasia or Nuevo dancers who can or will only dance open - no matter how interesting and perfectly they move.) But maybe this special leader will dance a little bit more complex or just different than my usual partners. He will surprise me with what he is doing and I will have to be more alert to prove my skills as a dancer. Once in a while, that‘s fun too.

So, that‘s it.

This weekend, I‘ll be dancing at our FCA. There will be many of my favourite dancers and great music. Don‘t expect me to be seated a lot!

Body language for beginners

So... a couple of weeks ago, I was at that Milonga...

It was a very common situation: In the morning, I had been running a couple of kilometres, we had been giving classes all day, we had walked to all the venues back and forth, we had done a demo... You can imagine, that I was quite tired. In addition to that, the music was not really to my taste and there were very few dancers on the dancefloor that would have tempted me. No one will be surprised, that I was not very much inclined to dance. So I sat down in the very corner of the Milonga, watched the dancefloor, talked to some very nice - mostly female - fans of this blog. I was generally in a good mood, but this changed as I had to spend the next hours refusing invitations. 

Why, dear Tangueros?

At this Milonga, Mirada & Cabeceo are not the custom, but should a grown-up person not be able to read body language? People do it all the time in every walk of life, but in many Milongas this common knowledge seems to be lost.

This is why I decided to write a small manual for everyone who‘s planning on inviting me.

Signs that I DON‘T WANT to dance:

• I look annoyed, angry, gloomy, sad (insert any other overt negative expression). 
• I slouch on my chair and make a very un-energetic impression. Maybe my feet are in a vertical position, lying on a chair. Or worse: my eyes are closed, my head is falling down and I seem to sleep. (Ok, I avoid falling asleep at a Milonga even under very dire circumstances, but you get my point, yeah?)
• I turn and look away, when you are looking or walking into my direction. (Alternatively: I all of a sudden bend down and start adjusting my shoe-straps.)
• I am engaged in a deep conversation that takes up all my attention.
• I don‘t wear Tango shoes. (The fact that I WEAR them, is no sign that I want to dance though.)
• I am getting a foot massage.
• I read in my Kindle, a book or class notes.
• I play/work on my iPhone or my MacBook. 
• I eat a meal.
• I am engaged in some romantic activity: kissing, cuddling, holding hands and looking deeply into my partner‘s eyes. (Well, I would not do that at a Milonga, but IF I did, it were a definite sign, that I don‘t want to dance with you.)

Signs that I WANT to dance:

• I look alert, friendly, relaxed and in general open for approach.
• I sit or stand in an upright position and make an energetic and toned impression.
• I look into your eyes and smile when you approach me.
• I nod friendly whilst looking at you.
• I chat lightly with someone but still actively interact with other people.
• I start looking around almost panicky, dancing with all my body and trying to make eye contact with you. (Now this only happens when a nice Tanda of Di Sarli is playing.)

I guess, many women would agree to this interpretation of body language and use it likewise. And too many men seem to ignore it or just don‘t have a clue. But it is not all their fault. 

Women send out mixed signals: 

• You look away, but then still accept the invitation. Even I have done that (rarely, but it happened) after having refused too many men during an evening. I lost my nerves, because I did not want to be perceived as unfriendly and got up. But then I danced with little pleasure. That‘s not good! Even I have to be more strict in these situations. 
• Another typical mistake: You want to dance, but display an angry face - maybe because you have not been invited all evening. Possibly you even entered the Milonga with that facial expression and unknowingly repelled the willing leaders. In the past, I made that mistake often. Now I know, that my chances of getting invites are a much higher, if I look alert, friendly and directly into men‘s eyes. 

But - you see what I‘m aiming at - this is why Mirada & Cabeceo make sense. It is not just a weird custom from Buenos Aires. It is a ritualised form of natural body language - a setting where everyone actually knows and shares the same code. Like moving to a foreign country: it makes sense to learn it's language and customs to avoid misunderstandings. The same goes for Tango. When everyone speaks the same language and knows the codes, awkward situations like men standing in front of women and having to go back to their seats will not occur. And everyone will feel much less irritated.

So, please: Bring back Cabeceo! 

Before I upload this and start my day with a Yoga session, let me just add a small paragraph.

As mentioned above, I am convinced that this body languages comes natural to most people, but some circumstances may only apply to me personally. So, please do not even bother to try and invite me when:

• The DJ plays Neo-Tango, Electro-Tango, Non-Tango, Piazzolla, Fox-trot, Salsa, Chacarera or just weird stuff.
• It is the Tanda right after or before our demo.
• You have just been demonstrating a serious lack of floor-craft or danced inappropriately expressively or aggressively on the social dance-floor.
• You cannot dance in a close embrace.
• You wear a bathing suit.

I will sit that one out.

It's official: I am the Tango police

This was so sweet. 

Last weekend we've been teaching in Celje at the Festivalito Rural. Our friends Saso and Alja always create a unique and very friendly ambiance. After the demo, they like to give us a small present - no flowers but something real useful and personal. Last year, Detlef got an antique iron. (Facebook friends know why.)

This year, it was my turn. I got a complete Tango police kit for interventions at Milongas and it was presented in an extraordinary way:

The music started and Saso - the conferencier - began to describe a typical Milonga, whilst Alja was sitting on the side of the dance-floor and demonstrating the use of my present: 
A nice couple entered the floor and started dancing in a close embrace and civilized way. They were presented the green "milonguero? si!" card. 
Another couple joined them, dancing a little disoriented and bumping into the first dancers. Alja showed the yellow "milonguero? no!" card with a stern expression. (Actually the yellow card should say "milonguero? not yet!" in my opinion. That's a minor flaw.)
The last couple perfectly impersonated an out-of-control guy and a poor woman being dragged onto the floor and forced into weird poses. Exactly as I had described it in my article. They were shown very decidedly the red "milonguero? no!" card.

Great idea! Everyone loved it.

From now on, I will carry my Tango police kit to every Milonga. Evildoers beware! ;-)

When I'm 64

Here I am in Celije at the „Festivalito Rural“. It is one of nicest Milonguero Encuentros that developed within the last years. I am looking forward to meeting dear friends and clients from France, Italy, Germany, Austria, the USA, Hungary, maybe Romania and many other nations. Three days of dancing in a super-friendly environment - it feels like being at home, because I am surrounded by people that I know well from many other events. Last week, I‘ve met some in Eton, now in Celje, next month they‘ll be in Saarbrücken and just before Christmas in Barcelona. In the meanwhile, Facebook helps to stay connected. It‘s like a big family!

What have we all got in common? Apart from Tango, many of us we share a frustration with our local communities, where we cannot find the dance we are looking for. All those cuddly embraces with skilled dancers... we can only get them if we travel far. Most Milongueros spend a large portion of their income on these trips. The last three years, I was lucky to participate in some of these lovely events as a teacher, but from next year on, I'll be teaching less and therefore spending more to visit the Encuentros. That's ok for the time being.

But what will be in 20 years from now? Those who are now in their mid-forties will be in their sixties, either retired or still working because they cannot afford to stop. I will surely be working, but I won‘t be a travelling tango-teacher anymore and whatever I do, will - most likely - not generate a high income. And with the economic situation being as it is, I am on the safe side to say, that in general there won‘t be as many well-off (or at least ok-off) pensioners as you can find nowadays in Tango. I guess only few Tangueros have surplus funds to provide for old age. This is why most of us will not be able to buy that flat in Buenos Aires or travel to the great Encuentros as many of the more aged European Milongueros still do nowadays.

So, where will we get our direly needed embraces? Will there be - by then - nice close-embrace Tango at home? I guess not, at least not in my town. As I will have lost all my non-Tango-friends by not keeping contact, I will most-likely be sitting alone in my tiny flat, looking at old videos of the Encuentros and wishing I was back.

Wow... that sounds really depressing.

I gotta do something: get a life out there or create great dancers and Milongas at home or move to a town with a good Tango community... Or marry a millionaire. Or start a Milonguero-pension-fund. ;-)

But for today, I will just try to do my job as good as possible and have fun at the Festivalito. 

CARPE DIEM!

The watcher

Last week I wrote about DJing in the heat of the Midi. I would like to write about another incident that happened on the same evening, but had started a few days earlier...

Saturday, Nimes, Milonga del Angel: 

It was the first evening of our intensive seminar at the Mas de Mestre and we visited this well-known Milonga. It‘s been running for ages and although it is a little less frequented in summer, it is still a nice place to be. Traditional music, some good dancers, lots of friends. We know most Tangueros in the region as we‘ve been visiting for more than 7 years.

Unfortunately, you‘ll always find a couple of rowdies on the dance floors and this evening, one guy was standing out: He was doing huge, uncontrolled movements, pulling the women onto the dancefloor, out of axis and into absurd poses. He was a threat to everyone else. You think I‘m exaggerating? Oh no!

One of our students made the mistake of accepting his invitation. She had not noticed him earlier. I wonder why... She suffered for two Tangos, trying to slow him down a little, but then gave it up and finished the Tanda prematurely. Well done!

The guy tried to invite some other ladies of our group (including me) but had no success and continued pulling locals onto the dance floor.

Then an accident happened: the host decided to announce our Milonga, the bully got interested and asked Detlef to give him the address. Which Detlef did out of reflex. I think, he had not seen the guy dancing either. Am I the only one who watches the dancefloor?

Sunday, Aubais, Milonga à la cave Aubai Mema:

I learned about the rowdie‘s invitation on the next evening, when he was abusing new victims on another dancefloor. Why would none of these women stand up and refuse his invites? This is when I decided to prevent such misdemeanour at our Milonga.

Tuesday, Sommières/Villevieille, Milonga au Mas de Mestre:

Our Milonga was already on it‘s sweaty course, when Mr. Bully entered the room. Although I was feeling very uncomfortable with it, I decided to nip any bad behaviour in the bud and approached him. In quite neutral words, I told him that I had watched his dancing during two Milongas and that I would ask him to behave in a more social way at our Milonga, to keep the line of dance, not make such big moves and not invite women by direct invitation but by Cabeceo. He exploded: Who was I to talk to him in such a way? He claimed to be a good dancer who had danced all over the world, knowing how to dance properly in contrast to these other losers. I pointed out that I was - as he well knew - the host and DJ at this Milonga and that it was my responsibility to keep the dancefloor safe for everyone. Especially for the women, whom I had seen suffer a lot with him. He started insulting me, telling me that any child could DJ, that he did not accept my authority and that he would do what he pleased. Never had anyone talked to him in such a way, cried he!

So what was I to do now? He was a huge guy and very pissed-off. I could not throw him out of the room on my own and I did not want to disturb our Milonga. So I decided to wait and watch what happened.

Well... the guy sat and stared at me with a very angry expression. I tried to keep my calm and greeted all incoming guests and friends, behaving all „normal“. After a while he got up to dance and - behold - he moved only half as dangerously as earlier. Then he sat down again.

A little later, Detlef arrived and I told him what had happened. He got really angry about the guys insulting behaviour and asked if he should throw him out. I was undecided because he seemed to be calmer now. Detlef spoke to him nevertheless - repeating basically what I had said, but not throwing him out. Some time later the guy left.

So, have we acted out of line in asking this guy to conduct himself more carefully at our Milonga? Should I at least have waited until he actually started dancing and misbehaving? Or was it o.k. to go there in advance as I had watched him dance at other occasions? I had the impression that - however aggressively he reacted - his behaviour changed after our intervention. When Detlef saw him at the next Milonga, he was obviously not dancing. Is this a good thing or not? Have we scared off a poor guy or have we stimulated a process of self-reflection?

From what he sad - and I believe his reaction - none of the regional organisers or dance partners had ever given him a negative feedback. I knew that they are complaining about him amongst themselves but never to him. This is very sad.

But whose responsibility is it to give feedback when someone misbehaves so badly? The teachers and only in class? Milonga organisers? DJ‘s? Dance partners? Everyone at a Milonga? Who is to judge if someone is just slightly annoying or really disturbing other guests? Do we need more watchers? Do we need a Tango police?

Or is Tango about laissez-faire? Just do what you like as long as you don‘t bump into MY personal space?

I don‘t know... Apart from stressing floor-craft and appropriate social behaviour in class, I always felt it was my responsibility as a host to keep the dancefloor agreeable for everyone. Similar incidents occurred approximately once a year, but the reprimanded‘s reactions were usually positive: people excused themselves and danced more carefully for the next hours. The French guy‘s aggressive reaction might have been a reaction to my ill-concealed anger as he was such an extreme case. But even he seemed to change after it. Maybe I should be more careful in HOW I approach someone, but I won‘t stop doing it. 

I cannot. Must be my watcher mentality!

The heat is on!

Finally it is summer and I‘m in the midst of it, teaching an intensive class in the south of France in an old Mas.

For those who don‘t know the term: A Mas is kind of a former hamlet, nowadays usually in the hand of one proprietor who rents out rooms or small apartments. We organize one or two intensive seminars per year in such a Mas, visiting the region near Nîmes and Montpellier.

The Mas de Mestre is situated in the vicinity of a medieval town called Sommières. It is quite stylish. The rooms have been decorated with the help of local artists, there is a big garden with a swimming pool and a super nice dance floor in the former barn. Our lovely host and her cook take good care of us. It is ideal for an intensive seminar with ten couples. We stay one week, teach 4 hours per day and in the evenings we visit the local Milongas or dance at the Mas. Heaven on earth and very hard work as well! Especially when it is 35 degrees...

Tonight is the day of our Milonga „avec auberge espagnole“: We invite friends from all over the region, they bring food, I dj and everyone dances happily ever after.

In theory.

In reality it is too hot. It feels like the hottest day of the summer and I have to fight against the strong urge of the dancers to just stay put on the veranda and have a beer. Mr. Di Sarli, D‘Arienzo, Biagi and Canaro help a lot and play their nicest Tangos. But during the first Tango of every Tanda, the dancefloor is almost empty. Everyone runs out to have a cool drink. Then they drag themselves back, chose a partner and dance. And literally stick together. I see them smiling, so they seem to have a good time ... but some of them look quite messy.

I don't dance. Apart from having to keep the energy high on the dance floor, I find myself glued to the chair. I don‘t know if it is fatigue or sweat. Both, I guess...

I‘d really love to dance. Mr. Donato is playing Sin Sabor and my feet tingle.

But I cannot move.

It is too hot.

Festivalitos & Encuentros for Milongueros 2013

Here is a short overview of events for those who cherish social Tango in a close embrace to traditional Tango music. There are many more in 2013 , but I will only list those, that I have visited personally or that are organized or visited by people, whom I know personally and who can vouch for the genuine "milongueroness" of an event. 
I will update this list regularly:

Festivalito Milonguero du nouvel an, Chateau La Robéyère, France, January 3-6 

Pasionara Milonguera, Côte D'Azur, France, January 25-27
RDV Milonguero, Bologna, Italy, February 15-17
Mirame - Encuentro Milonguero, Montpellier, France, February 28 - March 3

Viento Norte - Festivalito Milonguero (Tangokombinat Sección Norte), Eckernförde, Germany, March, 8-10 

Yo soy Milonguero, Crema, Italy, March 29 - April 1  (read review)

Montecatini Terme Tango Festivalito, Montecatini, Italy, April 5-7 (read review)

Abrazos - Encuentro Milonguero (Tangokombinat UK), Devon, United Kingdom, May 3-5 (read review)

Les Cigales, Carpentras, France, May 9-12 (read review by Ms. Hedgehog)

Tango del Mar - Encuentro de Abrazos, Constanta, Rumania, June 14-16 (read review)
Festiv'à La Milonguita, Gap, France, June 27-30

Raduno Rural, Slovenia, Juni 28-30 (read review by Ms. Hedhehog)

Festivalito Rural, Celje, Slovenia, September 6-8 (read review)
Encuentro Milonguero, Kehl, Germany, September 12-15
Ensueños, Porto, Portugal, October, 3-7

FCA (Tangokombinat, private party)

Raduno Milonguero, Impruneta, Italy, October 31 - November 1
Te Quiero Lisboa, Lisbon, Portugal, November 15-17

Abrazame, Barcelona, Spain, December 5-8

As we (Detlef and I) decided to do less weekends of workshops next year, we hope to visit all - or at least many - of them. See you!